I look at portions of work by newer writers, it is common to find them
doing one of two things when it comes to dialogue tags: Using
too many or not enough. Both tendencies adversely affect writing,
make readers cringe, or tell an editor or agent to stop reading. Since
we want people to KEEP reading, how we do avoid both pitfalls?
let’s look at the problem with using too many tags (A dialogue tag is
when you follow dialogue with something like “he said,” “she laughed,”
etc.) The first rule of thumb when adding a tag is to ask yourself,
Is it Necessary?
tag is only necessary when you need to clarify who is speaking, or to
show a reaction that might otherwise be missed. If you insert tags when
they are not needed, you are using too many. This makes the writing
tell if you are using too many tags, backtrack a paragraph or two when
you’re editing your work, and try the dialogue WITHOUT the tags in
question. Does it still work? Still make sense? Can you easily tell who
is talking? If the answer is ‘yes’ to these questions, then you don’t
need the tag. Cut it.
What’s the harm, you may ask, in making certain your reader knows who is talking? That’s what tags are for, after all, right? But here’s what happens: Using unnecessary tags makes a work feel stilted; not only does dialogue suffer, but the pace SLOWS. A reader may not know why exactly, but they’ll be fidgeting for you to get on with it. If you do this routinely, the reader will groan. Don’t make your reader groan!
Is Something Missing?
the other hand, if you fail to give enough clues about who is
speaking, this too, will make for unhappy readers. They will feel as
though they’re missing something, and this is frustrating. They will
have to go back and try to figure out who is saying what. When
your characters are really strong, there will be occasions when you can
omit a tag simply because the spoken words are so distinctly
characteristic of that person, it would be redundant to use one. But
be sure about this; use a critique partner or two to make sure. If it
turns out that readers are confused, then you need a tag. Keep it in.
Is it Character-Driven?
There are occasions when it’s right and good to use a tag even though the reader knows who is speaking. This may sound counter to what I said earlier, but the key here are the words, character-driven.
This means that it is important for the reader not only to know who is
speaking, but to know HOW the character is saying or thinking a thing.
In other words, you want to clarify an emotion that isn’t altogether clear from the spoken dialogue. In some cases you may need to
specify the tone of voice; or an accompanying gesture the character
makes while talking.
would caution you not to do this often, and again, use critique readers
or beta readers, or an editor to take a second look when there is any
question about this.
be sure not to overdo it. Having a heroine who sighs heavily once a chapter is probably fine; any more than that and the reader will
be sighing heavily.
emphasize the point of using too many tags, I leave you with an old
poem by the humorist Franklin P. Adams. (He makes the point perhaps a little too well!)
(All of them from two stories in a single magazine.)
She “greeted” and he “volunteered”;
She “giggled”: he “asserted”;
She “queried” and he “lightly veered”;
She “drawled” and he “averted”;
She “scoffed,” she “laughed” and he “averred”;
He “mumbled,” “parried,” and “demurred.”
She “languidly responded”; he
Doretta “proffered lazily”;
Will “speedily invented”;
She “parried,” “whispered,” “bade,” and “mused”;
He “urged,” “acknowledged,” and “refused.”
She “softly added”; “she alleged”;
He “consciously invited”;
She “then corrected”; William “hedged”;
She “prettily recited”;
She “nodded” “stormed,” and “acquiesced”;
He “promised,” “hastened,” and “confessed.”
Doretta “chided”; “cautioned” Will;
She “voiced” and he “defended”;
She “vouchsafed”; he “continued still”;
She “sneered” and he “amended”;
She “smiled,” she “twitted,” and she “dared”
He “scorned,” “exclaimed,” “pronounced,” and “flared.”
He “waived,” “believed,” “explained,” and “tried”;
“Commented” she; he “muttered”;
She “blushed,” she “dimpled,” and she “sighed”;
He ‘ventured” and he “stuttered”;
She “spoke,” “suggested,” and “pursued”;
He “pleaded,” “pouted,” “called,” and “viewed.”
O syonymble writers, ye
Whose work is so high-pricey.
Think ye not that variety
May haply be too spicy?
Meseems that in an elder day
They had a thing or two to--say.
So-do you struggle with proper use of dialogue tags? Or have a pet peeve about them? Share your thoughts in the comments with the rest of us!
Linore Rose Burkard (a.k.a. L.R.Burkard) wrote a trilogy of genuine regency romances for the Christian market before there were any regencies for the
Christian market. Her books opened up the genre in the CBA. She writes
YA Suspense/Apocalyptic fiction as L.R. Burkard, not only to keep
expanding boundaries for her readers, but to explore deeper themes. Married with five children, she home-schools her youngest daughter, preferably with coffee in one hand and wearing pjs. Her latest book, PULSE, takes another leap from the usual fiction of CBA writers with cutting-edge apocalyptic suspense.